I have been reading this great book, Wild and Free by Jess Connolly & Hayley Morgan. I was greatly impacted by the following:
“Ladies, this is what scares me. When a horse is finally tamed and trained, bearing the burden of saddle and human expectations alike, she is called broken. It is only then that she performs the duties expected of her.”
[jaw dropped]
Broken.
Yup!
I walk through my daily life, juggling schools, therapies, my son and daughter, meals, meltdowns, diapers and everything else that occurs in a day. I am doing what is expected as a wife and mom.
At the end of the day as I sit alone in the living room with the kids finally tucked in. I quietly wonder to myself, “Who am I?”. I feel like a ghost of the person I was before Autism, before kids. This both scares me and makes me sad.
I don’t like to say that I am broken. Because my kids didn’t break me. My husband didn’t break me. It is more of a feeling that I am lost. I have been lost in all the duties I “need” to get done in a day. I have been lost for some time.
It is time to take the reins!
I am, and I encourage you to, working on new goals. Discovering what my dreams for this family looks like. We don’t have to walk through life meeting expectations that are placed upon us. Or feeling broken or lost. It is possible to be mom and do the “mom things”, while also being “me”.
I want to be the mustang running both wild and free!
