As I lay in bed, I wonder if lil man will wake up with a nightmare tonight. Will he have a seizure type spell and be disoriented. Will he come in calmly and cuddle so hard that he becomes a second layer of skin. Or will we have a rare night he sleeps through the night in his bed.
While I lay watching him on the monitor I pray safety over him, I pray that we are able to bring him happiness, I pray for speech and communication, I pray for him on the days I will no longer be here. I pray until either I pray myself to sleep or I let my mind wander to how I can make his dreams come true. 
Recently we went on our first family vacation. Since we have arrived home we have seen an increase in “behaviors” along with lots of talk about going to “Children’s” (Children’s Museum in Arizona) and the “Arizona house”. It breaks my heart. There was a level of happiness on our vacation that I never imagined possible. While we didn’t do anything spectacular, we got to spend time together as a family. In the late night hours, I wonder… why can’t we have this same feeling every day.
I have and will always do whatever is necessary for our lil man and our princess. So, now I lay awake at night running logistics. How can I mix the happiness from our vacation with therapies, and schooling, that lil man needs to continue to learn and grow. Does this mean we should move, travel, change our lifestyle where we are now?
Also, in those sleepless hours, I wonder what he dreams about. Does he get to communicate all his needs and desires in his dreams? Does he dream about being a pilot (loving planes right now), a train conductor, a competitive swimmer, or maybe an engineer (popular opinion of what he will be when he grows up). My only hope… his dreams are filled with happiness!
